Sunday, May 16, 2010
I try not to blog when I am a bit down. But then I think it should be ok to be down once in a while, and so I decided to share it. Just like it is, right here - at least this once. And then, I went and looked, and found that I have been down before and shared with you here! I was surprised! Do I get like this periodically? Every spring? What and when? I don't know, and guess what - I am not going to take the time to analyze it today.
Well folks, I am tired. It seems like I am not getting enough sleep and just don't have any energy these days. So I am counting down the whys -
1) Work is getting just a teensy bit stressful - although I am really glad and grateful to have a job - but I am working so hard to make sure I am contributing and valuable that I am exhausted at the end of the day.
2) It is hot. Hot already, and still spring. Not enough rain, not enough cool in the air or in my spirit. How did we go, so quickly, from cold to hot?
3) The air conditioner is broken. Now, that certainly makes it even hotter than we need in the house - but it also makes it nice to have the windows open and all the fans on. Reminds me of when we lived in the country and ALWAYS slept with the windows open and the fans on. This morning we woke up to the chorus of birds welcoming the sun. A mixed challenge and blessing.
4) We don't have the kittens yet, although they are both picked out and paid for, and I have mixed feelings about getting them. Can you believe it?!?!? I am worried that they will be little terrors and that I won't have the time or energy to care for them. I am mad at myself for waiting so long to have kittens and puppies and pets in this family.
5) Politics has become unbelievably divisive. I think about how I just learned that one of the cattery owners is a Republican, and how it made my stomach tighten up. I heard about 5 minutes of Glen Beck at the NRA show in Charlotte NC, and turned him off, wondering how these people can sleep at night, feeding lies to the nation and gaining financially at the expense of those who have little to share. What, in heavens name I ask you, is so wrong about Giving Your Fair Share so that we have roads and police forces, so that no one goes hungry and that we improve the quality of life across the board, so that we improve education and improve the nation? Yes, we have to find better ways to administer things - ways to hold people accountable, ways to have smarter rules, ways to eliminate petty graft and corruption. But seriously, would you rather someone starve while we were working that out? Maybe that person starving is the medical mind that can find the cure for cancer. Really people, what are you thinking? And even worse, why is all dialog confined to argument instead of discussion on these matters? Why the drama? Why the hatred? I bet we have common goals, really I do. Like peace and prosperity and accountability and the opportunity to do great things. I have people with different views in my very family, and we can't talk about it. This is a big tired factor, I tell you.
6) The garage is being painted. This, again, is a positive and a negative - but over all makes me tired. The painters are wonderful and are working hard, and the garage already looks great. The doors have been stained and the back steps have been cleaned and stained. But Mr. Bryant is not happy with this and with that, and there are strangers at the house all the time working out back, egad.
7) Money Money Money, I am tired of dealing with it. Tired of paying bills, tired of working to make sure things are appropriately balanced, tired of having to buy consumables (we need toilet paper again?), just tired. Dang it.
8) And finally, I am on an 800 calorie a day diet, for 28 days. I tell you, this is exhausting. I am tired of thinking about food, tired of counting calories, tired of figuring out what to eat tonight. Yes, I want my cholesterol to go down, and yes I know how important that is, and yes yes yes I appreciate the doctor working with me to find natural options instead of pills. I am 14 days into this diet, and I tell you what. I am tired of chicken and salad. Really I am.
So there you have it. Today, this weekend - me, just freaking tired.